Oooooooohhh I just have to tell you about the deliciousest food I ate recently. I don’t remember the date (I think I’m getting old timer’s disease) but I do remember it was the bestest shrimp I’ve had in a long time. The American Legion has a new broaster and they have the best bargain on chicken, fish, steak, and shrimp you can find anywhere in Waynedale. The cook showed me this huge T-Bone. I would have liked to have had my hands on that. Oh dear that didn’t sound right. I mean I’d like to get one like it the next time we go there. It looked good enough to eat. Well you know what I mean.
Wayne usually gets the all-you-can-eat fish dinner. I think they actually lose money when Wayne eats there on Friday nights. He always gets the same thing. He prefers the fish because he can have all he can eat and he just loves those big golden French fries. They heap his plate up so he doesn’t go around asking people if they are going to finish eating theirs. He is so embarrassing at times but he’s so good at some other things the loving little devil.
He thinks eating an all-you-can-take salad with low calorie dressing makes up for the fries. And the way he smothers the fish with that delicious tartar sauce is more than I can stand. I don’t like to watch him eat. Actually he doesn’t eat; he inhales his food. He reminds me of the teenagers I see eating at the mall. You’d think that I starve him to death at home the hungry little dear. And when he mixes his Jell-O and his cole slaw together before he eats it, well . . . I just want to throw up.
Enough about Wayne’s table manners, I want to tell you about the shrimp they serve. I get the smaller shrimp, not the jumbo, I think you get more. I get the big baked potato also. Potatoes don’t have as many calories as the French fries, so I can use all the butter and sour cream I want. I just adore their shrimp sauce; it has just the right amount of horseradish bite to it.
Oh and they have the best rolls. Wayne gives me his because he likes to concentrate on eating fish and doesn’t want to waste ‘tummy room’ on bread the picky little dear. Anyway we enjoy eating at the American Legion; it gives us a night out every week and doesn’t cost an arm and a leg and best of all we don’t have to leave a tip because we serve ourselves. And Wayne does really serve himself. The fish lady that comes around to see if anyone wants more fish, heads for our table first and then goes to the other tables. She brings two plates of fish and leaves with one. I’m afraid that cute Commander Chucky Rathsack is going to stop by and tell Wayne that they can’t afford for him to eat there anymore.
I want to thank Bonnie Harris for the piece of plastic that she gave me to help Wayne when he eats. It worked at the Legion. Everything that Wayne dropped rolled right back into his plate. He doesn’t waste food anymore. He left it tied to his neck and ran across the parking lot with his arms spread out like airplane wings. It was so embarrassing. I tried it and I’ll admit it really was fun. The security patrol that gave us the breathalyzer tests thought so too. I don’t think boys ever grow up, do you?
For just the bestest time, go to American Legion Post 241 and try the food. You’ll be glad you did. It is 99 fork quality and atmosphere as far as I’m concerned. You’ll love the new smoke eating thingys they had installed in the ceiling. The air smells so much better, no more stinky old cigarette smoke in your face. Thank you Legion.
Oh, and stay for the band if you can. You can dance and it’s dark enough so no one sees you when your panty hose sags down around your knees like mine did last time. I bought a cheap pair that stretched out so bad I looked like I had a third leg hanging down between my two. Wayne stepped on it and pulled them all the way to my ankles. That is the last time I do that; I was so mortified. I’m going back to the nylons and garter belt. Wayne would like that better anyway. Until next time, Taa Taaa.