Oooooooohhhh I have to sort of re-tell you something that I told you sometime back when I told you what I’m going to tell you now but then it’s not the same thing that I told you then; it’s an update. Let’s see what was it? Oh yes, Wayne and I went to K-Mart recently over by Park West shopping center. I heard they were going out of business and thought I’d go pick up some bargain drapes for the bedroom. They weren’t going out of business wouldn’t you know. They have applied for bankruptcy or something I’m not sure what but they certainly weren’t going out of business. But that’s not what I was going to tell you, although I did pick up some nice curtains for the bedroom. Wayne wanted something with fishing rods and bass on them but I put my foot down. There is no way I’m going to show anyone my house and have them see drapes with bass and fishing rods in my bedroom. What would they think?
I told Wayne that I had no objection to his wearing his bluegill pajamas to bed or even to him wearing those stupid big hairy gorilla feet bedroom slippers his buddies got him for Christmas but I would not stand for any pictures of bass on my bedroom drapes. I don’t want any pictures of sailfish, catfish, carp, or guppies either. A bedroom has to have just the right atmosphere for sleeping and ahem, er, other things that go on there that can’t be mentioned here. Wayne says that pictures of fish and fishing turn him on. He even said that pictures of white tail deer and deer hunting turn him on too. What did I marry, an outdoors pervert? I did agree to run slides of his fishing trips to Michigan for Walleye or his deer hunting trips on the wall during those times of amour, I think that’s the way you say it. Anyway that pacified him but he’ll never last long enough to set up the slide equipment after he gets that twinkle in his eye. Come to think of it I may have to have him show me how to set it up ahead of time when I get a twinkle. My twinkle lasts longer than his.
Anyway, on our way home from shopping where I got the loveliest drapes you ever saw, we stopped in at the DOG-OUT hot dog stand on Taylor Street. I think it’s at 3003. Anyway the owner, that Cute Donnie Ray Carpenter, was there and before I could say anything he was searching the notes he had pinned to his refrigerator for the instructions on how to make Wayne’s World Famous Waynedale Dog with mustard, chili, cheese, onions, and cole slaw on top. Deb Gaddis was working with him at the time and she was kidding him about forgetting how to make a Waynedale Dog, ’cause she had the instructions memorized. She did say that the other two ladies that worked there, Monica Patterson and Cherie Smith, had to look up the instructions whenever they made them.
While I was there I had to potty so I must tell you right now girls Donny Ray keeps one of the cleanest rest rooms around so don’t be bashful when you’re there, go ahead and go. I made Wayne get his hot dogs “to go.” I wasn’t going to clean him up again; I already did it once that day. I swear he can get two quarts of ‘mess’ out of a single dip ice cream cone, that’s why I made him order vanilla when we went to Atz’s for an ice cream cone to eat on the way to where we were going. It doesn’t stain you know. We didn’t even get out Atz’s door before he tripped and sent the ball of ice cream flying out of his cone and into the parking lot, after it bounced off his cute little tummy. I just made him put on his jacket and leave it on after I wiped him up. But they do have the best ice cream, don’t they?
I noticed that Donny Ray has really been busy cleaning and I’ll bet he’s even been painting because the place looked so neat and clean and the air in there was so fresh I could even smell the delicious pieces of cake right through the plastic wrap. He had just put them on the counter. Oh I must get some of that cake when I go back. We’re going to K-Mart again to take back some of Wayne’s clothes that he bought. He thinks he’s still a 36. If you ask me he’d better try on some 40 plus waist pants. He won’t try them on at the store. He’s your typical male. He won’t try on clothes in a store and he won’t stop anywhere and ask for directions when he’s lost either.
Anyway, Donny Ray Honey, you deserve a big 98-finger reward out of a 100 because I never give 100 and I always leave room for improvement. What am I saying? You’ve improved so much since the last time we were there that I’ll up it to 99 fingers for your effort to make DOG-OUT the cutest, cleanest little old hot dog stand around. I’m giving out fingers instead of forks because that’s what you eat a hot dog with, right? I think Wayne memorized your menu because right after our slide show last night that cute little night crawler rolled over, went to sleep, and muttered, “Coney Dog; Chili Dog; Nacho Dog; Brat Dog; Sausage Dog; Kraut Dog; Jalapeno Poppers;” in his sleep and he was smacking his lips. Then he started over again. I had to get up and go to his room but I still couldn’t go to sleep. I should never have agreed to let him get pillowcases with pictures of raccoons eating crawfish on them. Oh well, till next time, Taa Taaa.